After seeing quite a few good jokes on a number of web sites i have decided to dedicate a whole page about jokes that will hopefully make your sides split in laughter


Baked Beans


Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day, he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, "She'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this," so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Shortly after that they were married. A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk, he figured he could walk off any ill effects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving, had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he farted. By the time he arrived home, he felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited.

She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point, he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she went to answer the phone. While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but as stinky as a rotten egg.

He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and RRIIIPPPP! It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. He got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon winner-the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled, and a minute later, the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next 10 minutes, farting and fanning each time with his napkin. When he heard the phone farewells, he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it.

Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!" To his shock and horror, there were 12 dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.




Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married
The ceremony was rubbish but the Reception was Brilliant.



"Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. "
"Is it common? "
"It's not unusual."



Captain Bravado

Once upon a time, there was an officer of the Royal Navy named Captain Bravado who showed no fear when facing his enemies.
One day, while sailing the Seven Seas, his lookout spotted a pirate ship approaching, and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravado bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!"

The first mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt,and while wearing the brightly colored frock, the Captain led his crew into battle and defeated the mighty pirates.
That evening, all the men sat around on deck recounting the triumph of earlier. One of them asked the Captain, "Sir,
why did you call for your red shirt before battle?"

The Captain replied, "If I were to be wounded in the attack, the shirt would not show my blood. Thus, you men would continue to fight, unafraid."

All of the men sat and marveled at the courage of such a manly man's man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirate ships approaching.
The crew stared in worshipful silence at the Captain and waited for his usual orders.

Captain Bravado gazed with steely eyes upon the vast armada arrayed against his ship, and without fear, turned and calmly shouted, "Get me my brown pants."